The Elements of an Article   Part 3

Bad writing

This is a short rogues' gallery of bad practice. It is short because we don't want to dwell on negative examples, but it exists to offer a few warnings and to explain how problems are often caused. Most of the items have been mentioned elsewhere in advice on what to avoid, or cautions of one kind or another. I think they are worth second mention in a different context.

What are the most common causes of bad writing? Well, some people are just not used to expressing themselves on paper at all, and can't be expected to write fluently. Apart from that however, the following bad habits and misunderstandings cause the most problems. They are not in any particular order. Some people may be stuck with just one of these weaknesses. In the worst cases they may be suffering with more than one.

• Using speech patterns 
• Poor punctuation 
• Weak grammar and syntax 
• Sentences too long 
• Unrelated clauses 
• Jumbled vocabulary 
• Straining to impress 
• Mired in cliché 

Using speech patterns

When we speak to each other, we don't use grammatically complete sentences, careful constructions, and beautifully modulated syntax. Our utterances are often quite ungrammatical, abbreviated, and incomplete. We might say 'She wasn't there at home, it'll be later when I'm going to call'. This would be acceptable in speech. But we would write 'She was not at home, so I will call again later'.

If these habits of speech are carried over into the written language the results are usually not very good. Remember that on the page we do not have any of the other parts of spoken communication to guide us. Tone of voice, accent, stress, and facial expression are absent. The two forms of communication may both use words as their basic element, but they are two different 'codes'.

If you wish to be understood, and if you wish to make a good impression in the written language, then you should stay fairly close to what is called 'standard English'. For most forms of writing, if you want to move away from this norm, you should know what it is you are doing, and you should have a good reason for doing so.

It might be acceptable to use dialects and the irregularities of the spoken language if you were writing fiction or trying to illustrate someone's character. In almost all types of formal writing however, your best plan is to stay close to the norm - if only because you will thereby communicate with the largest number of people. This is not to be proscriptive or fuddy-duddy. If you have the confidence and the skill, you can use whatever linguistic devices you wish - but then you would probably not be reading this book.

Poor punctuation

Some people scatter marks of punctuation like confetti throughout their writing, making little distinction between the range of devices available. Yet if it is not used accurately and consistently, this creates an unsettling effect. The sense of a statement can be rendered ambiguous or obscure. Reading can become like hacking your way through a linguistic jungle. Remember that commas, semicolons, and colons are used to create pauses of different length in the grammar and the sense of a statement (see Punctuation).

Another common form of poor punctuation occurs when one punctuation mark is substituted for another. The most frequent abuse of this kind is the use of the comma to string together statements which are in fact grammatically separate. They might be independent sentences, or (more usually) notes or brief 'thoughts'.

'The senator's reaction was only outrage that a man's career should be threatened, it was her word against his, they chose to believe his.' 

These are separate statements, and should be treated as such. The first comma here should be a full stop (followed by a capital letter) and the second a colon.

The other extreme of the same problem is too little punctuation. This usually has the effect of leaving readers disoriented. We are not sure where one clause ends and the next begins. Unless there is great pressure to continue, we rapidly tire of trying to make sense of writing which has no stress or grammatical indicators. Let's look at an example used elsewhere. It isn't a particularly long sentence, but the absence of any punctuation makes it very difficult to understand at first reading.

'Each night you stay at a Roberts-Plaza Moat Houses UK hotel at the fully published or corporate rate you are entitled to a special discount voucher.'

Jumbled vocabulary

This usually occurs either because the writer doesn't have a firm grasp of the meaning and best use of words – or because there is a 'straining for effect' which goes wrong. Sometimes the two features may be combined. A local council circular [in what we might call 'Town Hall prose'] offers the following example of the first weakness:

Manchester has a strong objective to be widely recognized as a fully accessible city, and energetically supports the overall approach of the Action Programme. 

The council might have a 'strong ambition'; it might have these goals as its objective; but it cannot have a 'strong objective', because the term 'objective' is an abstract noun which cannot be qualified by 'strong'.

The over-long sentence

Long sentences should generally be avoided – unless you have very good control of grammar and syntax. This is a very common problem for beginners. Some people start out on their subject, add qualifying clauses, explanations, or digressions of some kind, then seem to forget where they have come from. Their sentences drift grammatically and usually become difficult to understand.

If we contrast the past situation where although a doctor may not have been able to cure a patient, he would have visited the patient regularly giving emotional support; with a situation that might occur today, such as the impersonal treatment of a patient using highly sophisticated technology, it could be argued that this transition has produced a less humane or compassionate system. 

The following is a more subtle example of the same phenomenon. The sentence isn't quite so disastrous, but it should be much easier to understand. The weaknesses are caused by its length, but also by its poor grammar and confusing repetitions. [We are back in the Town Hall.]

The Programme is of vital importance, and would assist in creating a significant improvement in the quality of life of disabled people of all ages, not least as access to transport is a key requirement in education and employment, as well as for social, leisure, health, shopping and other activities.

It starts with the active verb is then switches to the conditional 'would'; the three 'of's in quick succession are clumsy; and 'not least as' [which should be 'because'] is not properly paralleled in 'as well as'. Like most of the examples we have looked at, it would be improved if it were split into two separate sentences.

Pretentiousness

Some people use writing as a vehicle to 'impress' others. Rather than make direct statements they use elaborate constructions and wordy phrases in an attempt to appear very literary or clever. These attempts rarely succeed because writing does reveal its author's 'style'. An insincere purpose will show through - as the following example should illustrate.

One would hesitate, however, to sip from the same poisoned chalice as those who would speciously crusade the assertion that literature is quintessentially socially functional. Pose the following interrogative: Would Dante, Shakespeare, or Milton, from their peerless pinnacles, have sullied their art, prostituted the muse which their endeavours had enthroned, by indicating something as trivial, as unworthy, as a social purpose? The art of such as these argues another view; that at the heart of all great creative achievement lies a self-justifying, eternally fathomless and sacred mystery.

Cliché

Let's finish with a stunning example from the world of provincial journalism. In his book on Newspaper Style, Keith Waterhouse points out that many tabloid journalists inhabit a linguistic world so steeped in cliché that their writing has the appearance of being constructed from ready-made parts. The following is an extract from a genuine theatre review (with the clichés highlighted) but the names have been changed to protect the innocent. [That's a deliberate example!]

By their very nature cabarets tend to be a bit of a hit and miss affair. And Manchester's own Downtown Cabaret is ample proof of that. When it was good it was good and when it was bad it was awful. Holding this curate's egg together was John Keswick acting as compere and keeping the hotch-potch of sketches and songs running along smoothly. And his professionalism shone through as he kept his hand on the tiller and steered the show through a difficult audience with his own brand of witticism. Local playwright Alan Chivers had previously worked like a Trojan and managed to marshall the talents of a bevy of Manchester's rising stars.

What then are the cures for bad writing? There are essentially two solutions. One is simply to take more care, and subject what you write to detailed scrutiny. If you are in any doubt at all about something you have written, be prepared to change it. If the meaning is ambiguous or cloudy to you, it will almost certainly be so to somebody else. You might ask a tolerant friend to read over what you have written. Check that it makes sense. The other solution is to make yourself more aware of the language and rhythms of good writing. Read the work of those who are known to write well. Absorb the syntax, the cadences, and the texture of good prose.

Grammar

Don't be frightened! Grammar is just the name given to a set of conventions underlying our use of language. Most people who wish to improve their writing skills do not want to be burdened with having to memorize grammatical rules, and we're not going to do that here. The formal study of grammar may be an interesting part of linguistics, but it is not the best way to improve the fluency and precision of your writing.

This might seem a somewhat heretical view, but it is based on the observation that most people are not seeking the technical names and the causes of these grammatical problems. What they are looking for is help in avoiding them and examples of good usage.

It is also unlikely that anyone could develop a good sense of language-use by trying to learn the rules of grammar. This would be rather like learning to drive a car by studying a repair manual. A far more fruitful approach [in addition to practising your own writing] would be to read as much as possible. You can develop a sense of the rhythms and the nuances of a fluent prose style by reading the work of successful writers.

However, if there are some points of grammar with which you regularly have difficulties, you should be prepared to clarify the issues for yourself. Get hold of a book which explains grammar at the level you require. [There are a number described in Further reading.] I am not going to deal with all the niceties of parts of speech and the relationship of clauses here, otherwise this book would be twice as long as it is. Some of the basic issues are dealt with as part of nearby sections, such as Punctuation and Sentences.

But there are some very common problems which we can briefly examine here, partly because they are fairly straightforward, and partly because they are caused by grammatical weaknesses. Seeing these issues explained may help you to avoid mistakes. I have tried to explain the details involved with the absolute minimum of technical jargon.

Agreement

If the subject of a sentence is singular, then the verb form must be in the singular form as well. If the subject is plural, then the verb form must be plural.

CORRECT
The shop [singular] opens at nine o'clock. 

CORRECT
On Thursdays the shops [plural] open late.

Sometimes confusion occurs because a statement begins in the singular but then gradually drifts into the plural. The easiest solution to this problem is to make the subject plural and its verb plural as well.

WRONG
I always feel that a person has the right to know when they are dying.

This statement is grammatically incorrect, because it starts in the singular (a person) but then drifts into the plural (are dying). One alternative would be to say 'when he or she is dying', but this is rather clumsy. A much better solution therefore is to put the statement into the plural:

CORRECT 
I always feel that people have a right to know when they are dying. 

Sometimes a singular noun is used to denote a plural or a collective thing – such as the government or parliament. Either the singular or the plural verb form may be used – but the important thing is to be consistent.

WRONG
The government prefers to let matters rest, but events may make them change their minds.

CORRECT 
The government prefers to let matters rest, but events may make it change its mind.

CORRECT
The government prefer to let matters rest, but events may make them change their minds.

Even skilled writers can make mistakes in the matter of case agreement. Sometimes the grammatical subject of the sentence may be singular, whilst its object appears to be plural.

The most pompous monument of Egyptian greatness, and one of the most bulky works of manual history, are the pyramids. 
(Samuel Johnson) 

The famous grammarian [no relation, by the way] perhaps understandably trips himself up here. 'The most pompous monument ... is the pyramids'. Although there is more than one pyramid, the subject of the sentence (the term 'monument') is singular.

A similar difficulty is created when a number of qualifying clauses are inserted after the start of a sentence, causing its author to believe that the case has changed.

Finding Miss Vernon in a place so solitary, engaged in a journey so dangerous, and under the protection of one gentleman only, were circumstances to excite every feeling of jealousy. 
(Walter Scott) 

Scott wrote his novels so rapidly, it is not surprising that his attention has wandered here. The subject of this sentence is 'Finding Miss Vernon', so its verb and object should be 'was a circumstance'.

Syntax

The term syntax is used to describe the grammatical arrangement of words in a sentence – as it would normally be spoken or written in English. For instance, we would normally write 'I went to the farm', but never 'I to the farm went' [though this construction would be normal in German]. If you are in any doubt, remember that the common word-order of a simple sentence written in English is as follows:

SUBJECT (The cat) – VERB (eats) –  OBJECT (the goldfish)

This might seem like absurdly simple advice, but many of the problems which are caused by a shaky understanding of syntax can be cured by following this pattern.

The problems of word-order in a sentence can be illustrated by a famous advertisement singled out as a warning by Punch [the now-defunct satirical magazine]: 'Wanted - armchair for old gentleman with sliding back and oak legs'. Obviously a more successful word order would be 'Wanted for old gentleman - armchair with sliding back and oak legs'.

Some of the most common problems connected with syntax are caused by two or three closely related factors. First, the sentence is often longer than it needs to be. One clause is tagged on after another until grammatical contact with its beginning is gradually lost. Second, the sentence very often starts with its verb or object, rather than its subject. Third, it might also start with a conjunction ('although', 'because') which are terms used to join separate clauses. What follows is an example taken from a student essay which exhibits all three problems [plus one or two more besides].

But if the harasser is not put in his place clearly and with strength immediately, (An action which doesn't always work any way) then later reports it, again there seems a common problem. - Why did the victim allow it to go on for so long?

These are the most common causes of grammatical confusion. The solution to this problem is to put the subject first, and keep sentences short. Keep them simple and direct.

Conjunctions

Unless you are confident, you should try to avoid starting sentences with words such as 'Again', 'Although', 'But', 'And', 'Also', and 'With'. These are conjunctions which are normally used for joining together two or more separate clauses.

For instance we might write 'The event was still held, although it was raining'. But this might also be expressed as 'Although it was raining, the event was still held'. The problem is that many people choose to start sentences with these connecting terms, but they often fail to realize that they are beginning in the grammatical 'middle' of their statement. They then carry on writing, imagining that they have already made clear the subject of the sentence. They are aware of the subject in their own minds, but they have not bothered to write it down.

Sentence construction

Variations in sentence construction may be used for emphasis and effect - particularly in such modes of writing as imaginative fiction, advertising, or personal correspondence. For any sort of formal writing however, elegant variation is probably best kept to a minimum unless you are quite confident that you have control over the structure of the sentence.

Remember that speech and writing are two different forms of communication. Ungrammatical statements in speech are perfectly normal, but the same statements wouldn't be accepted when written down. Avoid the use of a casual or conversational manner when writing, and do not string together clauses which are grammatically unrelated. Unless you are very confident, avoid using contractions such as 'won't', 'I'll', and 'you're'. These tend to promote a conversational tone.

Gender

Many writers currently send themselves into grammatical convulsions trying to avoid the use of the masculine terms 'him' or 'his' when speaking of the general public. Not wishing to fall into the trap of writing 'The reader will form his own opinion', they use instead the very clumsy formula 'The reader will form his or her own opinion'.

Those striving for maximum political correctness will of course write 'The reader will form her own opinion' - thinking to jolt readers out of their complacent state of ignorance and to redress one historical injustice by perpetrating another.

There is a very simple solution to this problem, and that is to use the plural, which is entirely appropriate when addressing or speaking of a number of people. Readers will make up their own minds.

These are some of the most common causes of grammatical problems - but let me repeat a point made earlier: there are many other causes. Some of them are dealt with in the adjacent sections on Punctuation and Sentences, and others are discussed elsewhere in the book. For a more wide-ranging coverage of grammar you should look at some of the books in 'Recommended Reading'. Let me also repeat that this section has not attempted to deal comprehensively with grammar as a subject. For reasons made given in the Introduction, this is an approach to improving writing skills which I am happy to leave to others. 

Editing

1. Editing is the final stage of the writing process. It involves the detailed inspection of a text with a view to regularizing its spelling, punctuation, grammar, and even typographical layout. In the world of publishing, this stage is called 'proof-reading'. It is the point at which you check that all your details are correct, and you examine the document very closely for internal consistency prior to releasing it into public view.

2. The degree of editing you need to perform on your writing will obviously depend upon the nature of the communication. Few of us would think of editing a letter to a close friend; but if you are writing for the public you will need to take more care. A manager preparing a sales brochure, or the directors of a company producing an annual report will need to make sure that their work is carefully edited. Any mistakes or infelicities will create a bad impression. Close editing is called for.

3. In many forms of professional writing the editing may be done by someone other than the original author. Newspaper reporters often have their work 'subbed' (sub-edited) by someone close to the final production process. Book authors too often have their work examined by professional text editors. This is not because reporters and novelists lack writing skills, but because publishers of books and newspapers usually want to control the appearance of work which appears under their imprint.

4. This sort of editing in fine detail is quite an advanced skill. That is why publishers often employ professional text editors: they do not expect even fairly successful authors to pay such a degree of detailed attention to their texts. [Famous writers such as James Joyce and Virginia Woolf for instance made spelling mistakes in their manuscripts.] However, even though it is an advanced skill, many people can easily improve the quality of writing they release into public by paying closer attention to details. It is a useful skill which is well worth developing.

5. So, the degree to which your text needs to be closely edited will depend upon the nature of the of writing, as well as the audience for which it is intended. If you are a student producing a coursework essay, your tutor will welcome finely-tuned work, but if you make a small mistake you will not lose marks. Learning from your errors is after all part of educational process.

If on the other hand you are designing a brochure which advertises products for sale, it is very important that all the details are absolutely correct. One digit wrong in a telephone or fax number, and the business will be losing sales [I speak from painful experience]. Similarly, if you were responsible for preparing a company report, the slightest grammatical error would create a very bad impression. What might be tolerated in one form of writing might not in another.

6. In one sense, the final stages of text-editing are a check to see that you have applied the suggestions made in all the other sections of this book. You are making sure that the text contains no mistakes, and that the writing is presented in a regular and consistent manner. You might wish to first check the more obvious features of spelling, syntax, grammar, and construction. Then the last stage of editing can be devoted to those details of typographical presentation which are commonly the province of a text editor.

7. If you are working on a long piece of work it may be less tiring to edit in a series of stages, each one of which is devoted to a different topic. For instance you might first read through the work checking the spelling, then go through it again looking at the layout. A subsequent reading might be devoted to checking any factual details - and so on. Reading through work of any length trying to keep all these issues in mind at the same time requires intense concentration. It is much simpler and less exhausting to deal with one issue at a time. 

8. If you are in any doubt, use the following checklist. Of course if the document is very long, or if you are pressed for time, you may find it necessary to check a number of these items at the same time. A dissertation of 20,000 words or a thesis of 80,000 plus might require this. If necessary, check through the appropriate sections of these notes to remind yourself what to look for.

• spelling
• grammatical correctness
• punctuation
• capitalization of names and organisations
• consistency of headings and subheadings
• factual information (names, dates)
• missing words
• presentation (quotations, endnotes)
• consistency of page layout

Example
Here is an extract from a document which has not been carefully edited. Bulleted lists can seem grammatically strange objects. Some people think of them as if they were written as continuous prose: others regard their items as separate grammatical units. This often causes uncertainty regarding punctuation. The problem is that it is very difficult to arrange grammatical logic amongst so many different things. The separate items tend to be regarded as notes rather than clauses. Understandably so, since it imposes an unnecessary strain on readers to expect them to keep the grammatical sequence of events in mind. Here there is a mixture of both systems, which is confusing. The extract is from a university guide on the presentation of research projects. [!]

Referencing and Documentation

The Modern Language Association citing and documenting format is used most often in English, foreign languages, and other areas of the humanities.

Parenthetical Citations

Parenthetical citations are located immediately after a quotation or paraphrase in the text. They direct the reader to the Works Cited at the end of the essay, research paper, etc. When these citations are located at the end of the sentence, they come before the final period.

When the author isn't mentioned in the sentence, use the last name, no punctuation, and the page number.

When looking for a job, begin with the top twenty-five prospective employers (Hadley 17).

When the author is mentioned within the sentence, simply cite the page number in the parentheses.

As Barbara Christian says, we theorize "in the stories we create, in the riddles and proverbs,in the play with language, since dynamic more than fixed ideas seem to our liking" (336).

If the reference source has more than one author, give all of the names in the text.

If your list of Works Cited includes two or more references by the same author, your citation must specify to which one you are referring. Include the title, or a shortened version of the title.

When things started getting out of hand with the Pintupi, a white advisor "hit on the idea of supplying the Pintupi with artists' materials and getting them to transfer their Dreamings on to canvas" (Chatwin, Songlines 22).

When quoting or paraphrasing an author's quotation of someone else, indicate the reference with "qtd. in" in your citation. This means that the quotation or paraphrase was quoted by the author.

Griff Ewer explained, "If one had to give a general answer to the question ‘What do carnivores eat?' it would be a very simple one, ‘What they can get'" (qtd. in Chatwin 221).

The list of works cited includes Chatwin, not Ewer.

When citing a whole work, rather than a part of it , no page number is needed.

One article deals with the importance for these children to grow up in a solid, stable environment (Young).

Remember that the source must appear in your list of works cited.

When citing an anonymous work, refer to it by its full or shortened title.

One article notes that one cigarette a day can improve your health ("Smoking" 28).

The Works Cited includes the unsigned article "Smoking as a Fashion Statement."

List of Works Cited

Your list of works cited should include every source quoted, summarized and/or paraphrased in your paper. It is always the last page of an essay. Sources are arranged alphabetically by last name of author. When there is no listed author, alphabetize the source by the first main word of the title (exclude A, An, The). The entire list is typed double-spaced, and the second and subsequent lines of each source entry are indented five spaces (one tab) to the left.

Basic Format for Books

Nemiroff, G.H. Transitions:Succeeding in College and University. Toronto: Harcourt Brace, 1994.

1. omit any titles or degrees
   author- Last name, First name/ initials (as it is on the title page)
   *when a book has two or three authors, list the names in the order they appear on the title page
2. underline entire title
   Separate main title and subtitle with a colon and one space
3. city of publication followed by a colon
4. name of publisher, shorten where possible (e.g. UP for University Press)
5. year of publication, end with a period

When a book has more than three authors, list the first author mentioned followed by "et al."

Daiker, Donald, et al. The Writer's Options: Combining to Composing. 5th ed. Harper Collins CP, 1994.

For books with an editor or editors:

Bate, J., and Jackson, R. eds. Shakespeare: An Illustrated Stage History. New York: Oxford UP, 1996.

For books with an editor and an author:

McKinnon, Russell. A Couple of Stewed Prunes. Ed. Charlene Banks. Toronto: Toronto UP, 1996.

When the book is unsigned or without an author, begin the citation with the title.

Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. 10th ed. Springfield: Merriam-Webster, 1993.

Basic Format for Periodicals

Periodicals include journals, magazines and newspapers. Magazines such as Newsweek are intended for diverse readers and are non-specialist. They are published weekly or monthly. Journals appear less frequently and contain articles that are more specialized and scholarly. They are usually intended for readers in a particular field of study.

Lever, Janet. "Sex Differences in the Games Children Play." Social Problems 23 (1976): 478-87.

1. author's name (same as books) followed by a period.
2. full title of article in quotations
3. publication information
   1. underlined title of periodical
   2. volume or issue number in Arabic numerals 
   3. date of publication (in parentheses) 
   4. the inclusive page numbers of the article (do not use abrev."pp")

For an article in a magazine with a signed author monthly:

Moon, Paul. "Amazing Michael." Pacific Islands Monthly July 1989: 47.

For an article in a magazine with a signed author weekly:

Chidley, Joe. "Bernardo:The Untold Story." McLean's 11 Sept. 1995: 20- 23.

For a journal article that has a signed author, include both the volume and the issue number separated by a period

Scheck, June. "Misconceptions of the Wolf." Wildlife Management 6.4 (1995) : 19-23.

A signed article in a daily newspaper 

Bryant, Christopher. "Plane Crash Kills 30." Northern Sentinel 29 Sept. 1976: 1+.

"1+" indicates that the article began on page one, but is split up and continues later in the issue.

This article is not a complete explanation of MLA referencing and documenting. For further information, consult The MLA handbook, or an English handbook such as "The Little Brown Handbook.

Related Web Pages:

• Alphabetical list of Web sites related to writing at the National Writing Centers Association
• For the Grandmother of  online writing help, visit Purdue University

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